Category Archives: Self Esteem


How’s Your Self Esteem?

Most people agree that high self esteem is central to good mental and physical health and overall life satisfaction, and is very important in motivating a person to work hard and succeed. When we overcome any anxiety and/or depression our self esteem usually soars.

In addition, those with high self-esteem tend to be friendlier, more expressive, more active, more self-trusting and trusting of others, and less troubled by inner problems and criticism.

How lucky you are if you have high self-esteem!

What is High Self Esteem?

Self-esteem is a realistic, appreciative opinion of yourself. Realistic means accurate and honest. Appreciative means positive feelings and liking.

You view yourself and others as equals and everyone is on a level playing field, and you are equally respectful of yourself and others.

You take honest ownership of those things that you are responsible for (but not those things that you are not responsible for)

Poor Self Esteem

When you have poor self-esteem, you feel less than others and feel shame about it. You hold an unrealistic and unappreciative view of yourself, and see others as better than you.

You also can tend to take on responsibilities for not only you own doings, but those of others too.

How does high Self Esteem differ from Narcissism?


It is important to understand the difference between high self-esteem and grandiosity or narcissism.

When you are grandiose or have narcissistic tendencies, you have an unrealistic and very appreciative view of yourself.

You believe you are more important or better than others, and like to be on top, therefore putting others below you.

In addition, you tend to blame outwards towards others, not wanting to take responsibilities for your own actions.

So how does our Self Esteem develop?

Our self-esteem is most greatly influenced by our parents and caregivers.

As babies and children, we have crucial emotional and attachment needs. These include a need to be listened to and emotionally validated; to have our feelings, needs, wants and intuitions accepted and encouraged, and to be emotionally supported in growing and fulfilling our desires and goals.

When these needs are fulfilled we grow up fully nurtured, and aware of our feelings, needs, wants and intuitions, as well as those of others, and tend to grow more fully into our full size, with an accompanying natural high self-esteem.

However most parents, in varying degrees of course, do not realise that these are the important needs of their children, and as well, often have a raft of other issues that they are already dealing with, so may not be able to fulfil many of these roles for their children.

As a child, we view our parents as almost God-like, and when our emotional and attachments needs are not met, we usually blame ourselves. We perceive that there is something wrong with us and we develop limiting beliefs about ourselves. This is where our lower self-esteem originates, as we become stunted from emotional undernourishment.

But the good news is that at any stage of our life, we can heal and grow our Self Esteem, and as Psychologists, this is a very common role we can play in people’s lives.

high self esteem

But first, let’s check how your Self Esteem is:

The Self Esteem Checkup:

With each statement, rate from 1 – 10 how much you believe each of the following statements. 1 means you completely disbelieve it. 10 means you completely believe it.

  1. I am a worthwhile person -------------
  2. I am as valuable as a person as anyone else -------------
  3. I have qualities I need to live well -------------
  4. When I look into my eyes in a mirror I have a pleasant feeling -------------
  5. I don’t feel like an overall failure -------------
  6. I can laugh at myself -------------
  7. I am happy to be me               -------------
  8. I like myself, even when others rejects me -------------
  9. I love and support myself, regardless of what happens -------------
  10. I Am generally satisfied with the way I am developing as a person-------------
  11. I respect myself -------------
  12. I’d rather be me than someone else -------------

Total      ------------

Now place your number of the following scale:

0                                                                                                                        100


Total lack of SE                                                                                     Total fullness of SE


Now ask yourself, how often do you feel restricted in your daily activities because of difficulties with self esteem?

1                                   2                                   3                                  4                                          5


Always                      Often                       Sometimes                   Rarely                            Never

If you have scored low scores on either of these, please consider contacting us, as our Psychologists Australia wide, are very experienced in helping you develop your self-esteem.


Phone our friendly receptionists on 1300830552 to or email us an enquiry to find the right Psychologist for you, nearest you.

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